Smell of Death

"In hospitals, they say you know. You know when you're going to die. Some doctors say it's a look patients get in their eyes. Some say there's a scent, the smell of death. Some think there's just some kind of sixth sense. When the great beyond is heading for you, you feel it coming.

Whatever it is, it's creepy. Because if you know.. what do you do about it?"

Meredith Grey - Grey's Anatomy Season 2

My dog died yesterday morning. He lived up to his name, Double Happiness George (as written in his certificate). He doubled, no, even tripled my happiness. I was shocked since he looked better when I visited him at the vet the day before he died.  I cried myself to sleep yesterday. I got teary eyes when someone asked about what happened to him. I couldn't smile. I felt like crap. I felt like the weather that day, dark and gloomy. I guess I would be lying to myself if I didn't know that death was a possibility. I have been forcing smiles and laughs all the time he was sick. He threw up everything that went in his tiny body for four days. He was infused for two days but even that didn't help. What makes me really sad was the fact I wasn't there when he died. I really want to think I had given him his best shot to heal, you know. I am not convinced until now. There will always be a part of me that ask "what if". Even the doctor didn't know what happened..

All I know is now I'm letting go. You did good, boy. You did good. Sleep tight, now.

Last picture we took together. Day two when he was sick.

Look 29 from 30

I wore no. 6 + 19, hat - CottonOn, bag - vintage, grey oxfords - Marks&Spencer

Look 30 from 30

I wore no. 28, belt - HongKong, loafers - Bellagio

Life goes on. Births and deaths are part of life. Although there is no heaven/hell for dogs, the thought that he feels no pain anymore soothe me a little bit. My heart still aches every time I remember him. The aches will linger on, I'm sure. But I also believe it will hurt less and less as time goes on. Besides, what was the saying? Time heals all wounds. So today I'm going to smile and laugh and letting go.

I'm sorry if this post is so forlorn and solemn. Good news is, I finished my remixing challenge. I miss my entire closet. Saw all my 30 looks here. Have a good night.

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