Into The Wild

rose garland - Via De La Rosa, vintage necklace - KwinsOlShop, small green bag - Oasap, velvet dress (worn as top) - Picnic, leopard belt - CottonOn, flowery skirt - Gaudi, red heels - IWearUp

I am an old woman, named after my mother
My old man is another, child that's grown old
If dreams were thunder, lightning was desire
This old house would've burnt down a long time ago

Make me an angel, flies from Montgomery
Make a poster of an old radio
Just give one thing that I could hold on
To believe in this living is just a hard way to go...

Angel from Montgomery - John Prine (Emile and KStew sang this song together in the movie)

There was a moment when I am completely obsessed with this movie. There's something so exhilarating about the idea of leaving everything and everybody behind and just go on your way not caring about food, shelter, or money. Although Christopher McCandless suffered a tragic death, I couldn't help to wonder what was on his mind when he leaves for the wild, ALONE. Did he ever regret his decision? How did he ever get such courage? Is society really that bad?

Chris a.k.a Alexander Supertramp dreamed to live in solitary in the wilderness of Alaska. For him, the society in which he lived in had been some kind of a germ to him. He believed that current society was corrupted and there's nothing that's pure anymore. I mean, why try to make other people happy when you yourself or worse, other, suffers? Why go to college and make tons of money? For a better future that we might or might not have? Why we even socialize? Because some smart people told us we are social creatures? Hence, he took an oath to live in nature and depend on mother nature to fulfill his need. The sky was his shelter, the grass was his soft sweet bed, and the apples were his fresh breakfast. He lived that dream and death was the price. 

I personally would never leave my family to be in the wild--I have an innate fear of insects and wild animals. However, I do must admit, just the idea of living with no worries is something that is so enchanting. Life can be incredibly confusing and exhausting sometimes. No matter how many times I pray and just be grateful of everything I have, the sinking feelings just won't go away. I ended up isolating myself, asking too much questions in my own head, and continue to ramble like this. Most of the times, simply by a good night sleep and comforting music, I able to numb those kind of feelings. Other times, I just left feeling empty and only time can help me to get back to my old silly self. Sometimes it's just a few hour, often it could take days. 

As the last line of the song said, just give me one thing that I could hold on to, to believe in this living is just a hard way to go, I try to always remember how God never promised a smooth sailing in life. He did, thought, promised us that He would NEVER leave our side. So even though now I'm sitting alone in my room just with my laptop and I don't know, maybe thousand of others out there feeling like me on the other side of internet, I know that God is right here beside me. The thought that His plan is never a plan of harm, but plans to give me hope and a peaceful future (Jeremiah 29 :11) comforts me. As long as I keep my heart set to Him, and keep the life that He wants me too, I know I'll be fine.

“We like companionship, see, but we can't stand to be around people for very long. So we go get ourselves lost, come back for a while, then get the hell out again.”
― Jon KrakauerInto the Wild

Blood test update : still no result. Boo. That's all I can say.


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